The 48-Hour Crash (Root Cause Analysis)
The Evacuation Boxes
Sudbury - 2022
In the trade, we investigate every outage to find the fault line. Today, we are opening the file on my own crash.
I’m taking you back to the basement where I hit bottom, but we aren't just telling a sad story. We are breaking down the mechanics of why I crashed and how I finally got the power back on.
Phase 1: The False Evacuation
The basement apartment smelled like failure. Stale smoke. Spilled beer. The chemical sweat of a 48-hour cocaine binge.
I was sitting on the edge of my mattress, surrounded by boxes. I wasn't just messy; I was packing. I had been arrested three days prior. The Hydro One career was dead. But instead of stopping, I had doubled down.
I was packing my video games, my clothes, and the few things I hadn't pawned. My plan was simple: Get out of Sudbury. I convinced myself that the problem was the city. If I could just move my stuff to a new town, the addiction would stay behind.
“⚠️ FOREMAN’S NOTE: The Geographic Cure
The Fault: You believe that your external environment causes your internal chaos. The Reality: You pack your habits in your suitcase. The Lesson: If you are fantasizing about a “fresh start” in a new city while you are still using, you aren’t planning a move. You are planning a relapse in a different area code. Rule: You cannot outrun your own biology.”
Phase 2: The Pressure Valve
At some point, Mel stood in the doorway. I hadn't slept in two days. I looked like a ghost. I tried to push her away. I told her I was arrested, that I was a disaster, that she should leave.
She stayed.
We sat in silence. And then, the pressure became too much. The structural integrity of my lies finally gave way. I told her the truth. Not the "I party too much" version. The real version. The daily usage. The darkness.
I expected her to scream. Instead, she asked if she could pray. She put her hands on my shoulders and said: "God, please remove the chains of addiction from his life."
“⚠️ FOREMAN’S NOTE: Radical Disclosure
The Fault: We think keeping secrets protects the people we love. The Reality: Secrets are high-voltage lines. If you don’t ground them, they burn you from the inside out. The Lesson: The moment I told the full truth, the power of the addiction dropped by 50%. You don’t need to “fix” it immediately; you just need to stop hiding it. Rule: Darkness cannot survive in the light.”
Phase 3: The Sunk Cost
The prayer changed the air in the room. I felt a shift—a physical release of tension. I walked to the bathroom and opened the cabinet. I pulled out the baggie. An ounce of cocaine.
I held it over the toilet. My addict brain started firing its last defense: “That’s hundreds of dollars. Just finish the bag, then quit. Don’t waste it.”
I opened the bag. I poured the powder out slowly. I watched it glimmer in the bathroom light. It looked expensive. It looked like power. Then it hit the water and dissolved.
I pushed the handle. The mechanical gurgle of the toilet sounded like the end of a war.
“⚠️ FOREMAN’S NOTE: The Sunk Cost Fallacy
The Fault: “I’ve already spent the money/time, so I might as well keep going.” The Reality: The money is already gone. The only thing you are “saving” by finishing the bag is your own destruction. The Lesson: Pouring it out isn’t a waste. It’s the down payment on your freedom. Rule: Cut the line before it pulls you down the tower.”
🛑 INTERACTIVE: The Pre-Shift Safety Audit
You’ve read the report. Now I want you to audit your own life. Look at the 3 Crash Indicators below. How many are active on your job site right now?
[ ] Indicator 1: The "Fresh Start" Fantasy Are you looking at job postings in other cities because you think a new zip code will fix your drinking/using?
[ ] Indicator 2: The Double Life Do you have a "Work Persona" and a "Home Persona" that never meet? Are you terrified of them crossing paths?
[ ] Indicator 3: The "One Last Time" Logic Are you telling yourself you’ll quit after this weekend, after this bag is gone, or after this project wraps up?
THE RESULT: If you checked even one of these boxes, your structural integrity is compromised. You are waiting for the crash.
